Thursday, August 28, 2008

White Collar, Blue Collar, Just Don't Pop Your Collar

This past week, the Democratic Party convention held in Denver, CO electrified millions of Americans, and the Republican Party convention possesses the potential to electrify millions of Americans as well: in anticipation of better TV viewing once the NFL season starts in a few weeks.

Barack Obama is now the official Presidential nominee of the Democratic Party. For his running mate, he has selected Democratic Senator Joe Biden, of Delaware. A man who once plagiarized parts of a speech from a British parliamentarian, a man who composes every sentence with the following elements: a noun, a verb, and an onslaught of cops, firefighters, teachers, and line workers.

Obama's rationale for selecting Biden appears to be Biden's ability to connect with "blue collar" citizens, who in many cases just happen to be "cops, firefighters, teachers, and line workers". Also, Biden has considerable experience in foreign policy. He went to Georgia recently on a diplomatic mission. He is also the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations committee. He openly refers to his wife as "drop dead gorgeous". A fortuitous catchphrase for a possible Vice President?

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have once again come mindnumbingly close to outdoing each other: fortunately, this time the contest is between which of the two politicians could deliver a more effective speech at the Denver convention. Both Sens. Clinton and Obama were freakin' amazing at the podium. Obama had so many great one-liners, I wondered if he could have a chance on "Last Comic Standing". Perhaps he should share a timeslot on NBC with George Bush's new show, "Last Neocon Standing".

I'm glad Senator Clinton was able to make it Denver A-OK. Unfortunately, she couldn't rid herself of her jumpsuit and escape from incarceration in time to make her convention appearance. Orange pantsuit? Really? Orange really isn't her color...who does she think she is anyways? Tom Ridge? John Ashcroft? Fashion Homeland Security Alert: Level High!

Barack Obama said the word "change" a grand total of fifteen (15) times during his speech on Thursday night at Invesco Field. For a 42 minute speech, that's not actually a bad ratio by Obama. He typically uses the word so many times in speeches that listeners begin to wonder if the change he promises at the end of a speech hasn't itself changed since the beginning of his speech.

In the next day or two, expected Republican nominee Sen. John McCain is expected to choose his running mate on the GOP ticket. Prospective candidates to ensure McCain's victory include, but are not limited to:

Master Yoda (Pro: strong resolve against terror)

(Con: violates classic rule "never pick a VP who looks better than you do")

Edward Cullen (Pro: stops loss of the youth vote to Obama)

(Con: reinforces McCain's old age by picking 117-year-old)

Rihanna (Pro: female, African-American, more popular than George Bush)

(Con: heartbeat away from the Presidency)

Emeril Lagasse (Pro: promises to "kick it up a notch" in war on terrorism)

(Con: too many cooks in the kitchen?)

Mitt Romney (Pro: counteracts Obama as another "candidate of change")

(Con: owns more flip-flops than Kerry, also from Massachusetts)


Ravenous said...

Wow, Alex. Well written. You know how uninterested I've been in politics, but reading what you've written..Well, somehow it makes everything a little more interesting.
Also, I absolutely adore the bit with Yoda and Edward Cullen... :) Got a few good chuckles out of me, there.
Keep it up!

Teleprompter said...

Thank you! By the way, I do strongly encourage comments on my entries, and I will try to respond to as many of them as possible. I hope this blog can become a kind of Forum for discussion and sometimes debate on important or intriguing issues or random things that strike people.

Stephanie said...

I love the reference to Edward Cullen. He's a character that every guy should be well versed on. :D He would be an excellent choice. I'd ignore McCain and just vote for Edward! But don't forget about the best choice in the world right now: Michael Phelps. :D